Integration and Well Being
What is it about us that often make us our worst
enemies? I suspect every therapist has heard patients ask questions like this.
It may be possible to assume that there is this component in every clinical
presentation, or at least the most common of them. Anxiety prevents people from
approaching all kinds of potentially rewarding and satisfying experiences and
depression may do the same. If the experiences are most likely going to be
rewarding and satisfying and potentially life enhancing then it makes no sense
to not take the risk. As therapists we see this happening in the majority of
our sessions.
I submit this phenomenon may be related to one of the
simplest formula ever discovered. Living organisms from insects to the highest
order mammals seek to avoid discomfort and maximize experiences of pleasure.
For insects it is quite simple. Avoid getting squashed or drowned or burned by
running away and then go find the picnic basket. For humans however it can be
incredibly complex and take on some extremely interesting forms as we seek ways
to avoid even the uncomfortable feelings that arise in us. And often the forces
directing self-defeating behaviors are partly if not entirely out of awareness.
But let’s make it clear from the outset. This
phenomenon is common to all humans--patients and therapists alike. If avoidance or discomfort drives a great
deal of our troubling issues it is helpful to explore the common forms of
avoidance in humans. It simply makes no more sense for a therapist to engage in
avoidance and self-defeating things than it does for patients.
The most obvious may be in the phenomenon of addiction
and humans can become addicted/attached to almost anything in service of
avoidance and pleasure. Drugs and pornography are some of the most common but
food, clothing, other material things, exercise, entertainment, video games, social
media, physical pain are others. You can insert your favorite here. All of us do this. There is another however that often goes unnoticed because of its
apparent positivity.
John Wellwood, Ph.D from the University of Chicago, in
his classic text Toward a Psychology of Awakening, first described it
even though the concept has been present in psychotherapy literature since
Sigmund Freud with his constructs of defense mechanisms.
“Starting in the 1970’s I began to perceive a
disturbing tendency among many spiritual communities. Although many spiritual
practitioners were doing good work on themselves, I noticed a widespread
tendency to use spiritual practice to bypass or avoid dealing with certain
personal or ‘unfinished business’…So there is often the tendency to use
spiritual practices to try and rise above our emotional and personal issues—all
those messy, unresolved matters that weigh us down. I call this tendency to avoid
or prematurely transcend basic human needs, feelings, and developmental tasks spiritual bypassing.” (p. 12)
Expanded for the broader public, i.e. to include those
who do not necessarily consider themselves “spiritual”,
Steven Hayes calls this experiential avoidance (Acceptance
and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavioral Change, p.
58.)
“Experiential avoidance…occurs when a person is
unwilling to remain in contact with particular private experiences (e.g. bodily
sensations, emotions, thoughts memories, behavioral dispositions) and takes
steps to alter the form or frequency of these events and the contexts that
occasion them.”
How this looks in real time, for spiritual folks, depends
on the framework of the spiritual practice used in service of both
“enlightenment” and avoidance. Religious rituals, music, theology, services,
retreats, revivals, prayer, meditation can all be used in service of either
enlightenment or avoidance.
Obvious examples of spiritual bypassing gone amuck may
be found in the person viewed as a spiritual authority, say a minister or
priest, who despite appearances have a very “dark” side. The incidences of
sexual molestation that have come to light over the past 20 or so years are
tragic cases in point. The forces that drove those persons to engage in such
acts in service of sexual desires perceived to be verboten were hidden behind
vestments, robes, rituals, etc. As a result, what was not dealt with became
destructive. And I suspect many of these offenders were sincerely trying to
diminish or get rid of unwanted urges via spiritual practices for many years
and because of avoidance never resolved the problems. Problems with other kinds of abuses of power
are examples as well and are too common among those in authority.
I meet many well meaning, sincere, devout religious
persons of every stripe in my office who struggle with unwanted urges of
various kinds and try to use their spiritual practices as a short cut to
working through issues perceived to be too uncomfortable to even admit. Because
their efforts to avoid have failed them they may present as anxious and
depressed and/or attached to some addictive-type process.
For the non-spiritual person the avoidance simply does
not take on a religious caste. Then the behaviors in service of avoidance take
on a secular appearance. The consequences are however the same.
In the coping styles literature the research is becoming
clearer regarding the role of experiential avoidance in the developing and
maintenance of certain forms of psychopathology. The literature is mixed but
some significant correlations have been found.
In a review of
the literature “Experiential
Avoidance as a Functional Dimensional Approach to Psychopathology: An Empirical
Review” in the Journal of Clinical
Psychology, September 2007
Neharika Chawla
University of Washington and Brian Ostafin North Dakota State University
concluded:
“In sum, there is a
growing literature suggesting that an unwillingness to be in contact with
aversive private experience and taking action to alter that experience does
indeed influence psychopathology. Although there are some inconsistencies
between studies, the broad picture of the evidence suggests that EA (a) influences
the likelihood of substance use relapse, (b) mediates the relation between
traumatic events and general psychological distress, (c) predicts severity of
symptoms in some specific disorders such as GAD and trichotillomania, and (d)
mediates the relationship between maladaptive coping and self regulatory
strategies, and psychological distress. Further, although little research has
been conducted on EA as a mediator in psychotherapy, there is some evidence
suggesting that focusing treatment on reducing EA can lead to improvements in
an anxiety disordered sample. It may indeed be that “many forms of
psychopathology are not merely bad problems, they are also bad solutions”
(Hayes et al., 1996, p. 1162).”
--
Here are a few specific research efforts and their
results. Attempts to refuse or deny what is happening, trying to replace bad
thoughts with good ones, talking oneself into feeling better, or distraction
techniques (watching TV, calling a friend, etc) predicted negative outcomes for
substance abuse (Ireland, McMahon, & Kouzekanni, 1994) for depression
(DeGenova, Patton, Jurich, & MacDermid, 1994); and for those who have a
strong trait or pattern of avoidance there is a tendency to increased
depressive symptoms especially when thought suppression is a common coping
strategy (Wegner & Zanakos, 1994).
It appears that experiential avoidance may strengthen
what one is desperately trying to diminish or destroy (Clark, Ball, & Pape,
1991; Gold and Wegner, 1995, Wegner, Schneider, Carter, & White, 19910). And,
if suppressed or repressed, the energy may be said to magnify and become the
fuel of unwanted behaviors.
So, if avoidance and the development of ineffective
coping strategies such as addictions or other compulsive attachment behaviors,
is a primary issue as the research and my clinical as well as personal
experience more than suggests that it is, then approach behaviors (some form of "depth psychology" interventions) coupled with
more effective coping behaviors is the remedy.
The path is instead to “uncover” or permit the feared
experience to come into consciousness, accept that it is indeed there and
cannot be otherwise, understand what it means and what it has to offer, and integrate it. And, in case anyone should misunderstand what I mean, let me say
what I do not mean.
To accept and integrate does not mean we indulge in
every errant or destructive impulse. It means instead that we gain the
understanding and develop the strategies which allow us not to, and that by
doing so the impulses themselves can become defused. If you want to moderate the temperature of a
pot of water nearing the boiling point do NOT put a lid on it. Avoidance
increases the energy. And it you want to get rid of unwanted thoughts avoidance
of them paradoxically may make them the focus of attention. Try NOT to think of
a polar bear.
Only courageous, sustained approach behavior can
relieve the pressure. The brain can then “work with it” and defuse it.
We simply cannot integrate what we will not “hold”.
Here is a simple practice drawn from my research and
practice to experiment with:
1. To begin we
need to increase our awareness of the inner workings of our minds and bodies.
We react and respond to varieties of stimuli throughout the day. So build on
your innate ability to observe.
2. Being
mindful and practicing mindfulness is the cultivation of simple awareness of
the present moment in all its richness without judgment. Observing as a
scientist would rather than as an editor.
3. When an
unpleasant feeling, sensation, thought occurs direct your attention to it,
breath with it or “around” it so it can be observed more closely.
4. Welcome or
embrace it as a part of your inner experience and possibilities.
5. I might
suggest not getting caught up in thoughts, or at least not too long, but
instead focus attention on the feelings and sensations in the body.
6. Observe how
the feelings and sensations rise and fall, come and go by themselves though
some may remain longer then others.
7. Whatever
arises, welcome it. Direct some kindness toward it. Befriend it rather than continue with it an an enemy. As it leaves, let it go.
8. Of course, calm steady, comfortable breaths
will probably be very helpful and when things get too heated or uncomfortable
the breath is a wonderful place of retreat.
If you do this and have a therapist to help process
things with you this practice will give a wealth of data to discuss. If you
find that the practice or the experiences that arise are too painful or
troubling I suggest you find a therapist who is experienced in helping people
find their own way.
As Master Thich Nhat Hahn wisely said, "A lotus flower does not grow on marble. It grows in the mud. No mud, no lotus."
As Master Thich Nhat Hahn wisely said, "A lotus flower does not grow on marble. It grows in the mud. No mud, no lotus."