Is the Self “Fixed” (or Can I Change)?

Born to Grow

Happiness and well-being, then, are realized to be skills to acquire and a path to take, rather than an inviolable nature. Misery is not our destiny.”

If I’ve heard it once over my 25 years of professional practice (give or take), I’ve heard it a thousand times: “I can’t change; that’s just who I am.”
But is there any scientific validity to it?

Therapeutic Example: “Mark”

 

His name has been changed but the story of the first patient I ever used the mindfulness-based cognitive therapy approach with (before there was a mindfulness based CT approach formally identified, anyway) has much to say here. Let’s call him “Mark.”
I had recently accepted a position at a small private college approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes away from my home. To get away from the job I was in (and poorly suited for) I would have gladly driven twice that distance so I jumped at the opportunity. Since I tend to be on the geeky side, I wanted to use the time to learn some cool neuroscience stuff so I began listening to a series of CDs from the Mind and Life Institute titled “Getting Rid of Destructive Emotions.”
The Mind and Life Institute consists of eminent scientists of nearly every stripe, as well as clinical professionals all in dialogue with the Dalai Lama and other mediation practitioners. I also have a masters in religion. Bingo! Geek heaven for me!


What does science have to do with the Dalai Lama? I had to find out. And the science was
astounding.


Mark came to me at the small private college I was working with, complaining of serious depressive and anxious symptoms including suicidal thoughts. He also had developed trichotillomania — he pulled hair out of his head and eyebrows, leaving unsightly bare spots. He colored in his eyebrows and wore baseball caps to cover up the damage.
Although Mark was very intelligent he was unable to concentrate, remember and learn, so he could not get his grade point average to go above a 2.7 to save his life. He was not a partier then, and is not now. He studied assiduously. Moreover, he reported having suffered with anxiety and depression since about age 10. The family dynamics for this adopted son and his sister were not terrible, but they were not optimal either. Issues are as issues are, and he had them.
The severity of his symptoms concerned me, and I said, “With all these symptoms I think I’m going to have to refer you to our nurse practitioner for some med… .” But before I could get the word “medications” out, he said firmly: “I don’t want any medications!”
At that moment, my scientifically oriented brain shifted into gear, and before I realized it, I said: “Cool! You want to do an experiment with me?” He said, “Sure!”
Oh, no … . Quickly, I realized my mistake. Suicidal thoughts had to be taken into consideration.


So I quickly offered him my services under three conditions:

1. He had to promise me he would guarantee his safety
2. He would see me twice weekly
3. And, if he was not feeling any better by 4 weeks, he would reconsider the idea of medications

I began to teach him what I was learning about mindfulness, and he began to apply a few practices. As I learned, I showed him how to do this everywhere he went. When this happened, he was off like a shot!

Therapy is not about continuing to rehearse what we have always done in order to remain as we always perceive ourselves to have been.”

He practiced 30 minutes per day sitting still. He practiced when he ate meals, when he walked to class, when he drove, when he showered and in the classroom.


The results astounded us both.


His grade point average was 3.2 that semester, 3.5 the next, 3.75 the next, and 4.0 the next. His last semester at college it was a calamitous 3.75. We had seen each other all along, but formal therapy had been relatively brief.
He learned, I learned. He practiced, I practiced. We did so separately and together. And he came to me after it was all said and done and said, “Things with my family are still messed up, but I’m not depressed about it anymore, I’m not anxious like I was and I hardly ever pull a hair out of my head.”
Pardon my language here but I thought to myself: “Holy crap! What have I found.”
All of this prompted me to fly to Harvard Medical Schools’ conference on mindfulness the next spring. I heard presentations form some of the best scientists and practitioners about the research and promise of mindfulness, and I have been sold ever since. This was about 9 years ago. The research studies now are in the tens of thousands, with much more needing to be done.

The Myth of the “Fixed” Self

 

Usually, we hear that if mental disorders begin in early childhood, they are likely to continue throughout life — requiring medication to keep symptoms under control. And many have said that once personality is developed, say by age 6, it is “fixed.”


Is this the case?


The buzz word in neuroscience over the last 40 or so years, as you may know, is neuroplasticity. And this concept states that the brain/neurology changes throughout life with new information and, especially, practices. “The neurons that fire together wire together” and the more frequent the firing the more powerful the action potential. Habits are habits because of this process, and habits also change because of this process.
So just what is this “I” my initial quotation refers to? What constitutes the “self?” Is there something that makes me what I am permanently? These and other questions are not completely understood by science. Religion and philosophy have many answers to them, but none are scientifically validated.


So what does science say now?


An intriguing view comes from the work of a group of scientists involved in the relatively new field of interpersonal neurobiology — and the story of their deliberations on the subjects is fascinating — but here is their current understanding. It can be summarized by a metaphor for “self” I first read in the writings of Stephen Hayes, Ph.D, — the originator of acceptance and commitment therapy. I do not know how he presents this in therapy sessions (but I have my take on it), so with apologies to Dr. Hayes — here goes.


The “self” is like a chessboard.


There are dark colored squares and pieces and light colored squares and pieces, which can move about and create nearly innumerable patterns (and the brain is incredibly complex).
Our brains have 1 trillion cells and 80-90 billion neurons with trillions of synapses. Each of these neurons fire between 5 and 50 times per second — even while sleeping — so these “chess pieces” are continuously moving about.
So on our personal chessboard of the “self,” these pieces and the possibilities of thoughts, feelings, sensations, images and behaviors are truly innumerable. At times, when the dark pieces are “winning” the moment, we may feel uncomfortable. When the light colored pieces are in ascendance, we feel comfortable. But no feeling lasts forever, and with the movement of a single pawn the whole chemistry changes.
The truth is (whether we consciously change anything or not), the chess pieces move; feelings and sensation and thoughts change moment to moment. We can learn to move pieces about to develop in any number of directions. Depressed folks generally and automatically practice depression. Anxious folks usually practice anxiety in an equally automatic way.

Further Defining the Self

 

The “self” is, as Daniel Siegel writes, the “place of possibilities” with no one single set of behaviors defining the personality any more than another can — within the generally unknown limits of a person’s genetic expression, that is. It is dynamic, fluid and malleable, and this is good news indeed.
Happiness and well-being, then, are realized to be skills to acquire and a path to take, rather than an inviolable nature. Misery is not our destiny.
Therapy is not about continuing to rehearse what we have always done in order to remain as we always perceive ourselves to have been. These perceptions are always skewed anyway and limited by themselves. If this was the case we would continue to feel much as we always have and why bother with therapy or psychiatrists. This old deterministic view does not square well with science. Therapy is about becoming aware of how our minds, our “self”, our chessboard operates so we may accept it as it is, with all of its possibilities, and learn to direct the flow.

Sustained Progress

 

What about Mark you might ask?


Well, I had lunch with him in December 2014 and he reported that his progress has continued. No depression. No trichotillomania.
And he was reading Jon Kabat-Zinn’s “Wherever You Go, There You Are.” So, there you are.

Stability of Mind

The brain is vastly complex. There are 1.1 million cells, 80-90 billion neurons each firing 5-50 times per second even while we are asleep. There are 10's of thousands of interconnections between the neurons and trillions of neuronal synapses thousands of which could fit on the width of a single human hair. The “flow” is constant and can be regulated but not stopped, for very long at least. And it is also true that the brain is not confined to the skull. Neurons are brain cells and wherever there is a neuron there is the brain. Where ever there is the brain there the “mind” can operate. Yes, this is complicated but important to know. So when my patients tell me they can't do mindfulness because they cannot get their minds to quiet down I tell them “But I never told you to quiet your mind. That's impossible.” They usually look at me bewildered and then have to agree that this idea came out of their own misconceptions. One misconception out the window.

So in the brain/body there is a continuous flow of information in the form of thoughts, images, feelings, sensations, via chemical, biological, electrical pathways and the energy required for all of it to occur in the first place. It cannot be stopped entirely but it can, over time, become more quiet. We have a lot of chatter going on in the brain/body.

The “mind”, a philosophical and scientific mystery to this very day, has a function most scientists can agree on that is important for us practically:

One factor of mind is that it is “an embodied and relational process that regulates the flow of information and energy” (Daniel Siegel, Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology: An Integrative Handbook of the Mind, page 25)

So “mind” can direct and regulate the flow of continuous information and energy going on in our brains/bodies and what we do with it. In this way we can begin to rewire or restructure neuronal pathways and the brain itself. To do this you need a more stable mind and mindfulness is a prime way to stabilize the mind so that it can perform this function more freely and move us along toward personal goals. All of us can certainly agree that an “unstable mind” leads to unstable thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. None of us want that.

So what does it mean to have a stable mind and how does mindfulness produce it? Perhaps it would be helpful to consider an “unstable” mind. Let's use a common metaphor for both.

The activity of the brain (the “inner world” as it is sometimes called) is similar to the ocean. All of the dynamic activity in the brain is like the currents and waves of the sea. Sometimes it is turbulent and we need either to steer or ride it out and sometimes it is calmer but the dynamics behind the scenes are always present and they can change very quickly. So it is with the brain. The dynamics are out of awareness for the most part but powerfully create turbulence, calm, and every “state” in between. More often than not, there are many “states” occurring at once and the vast majority of these are not consciously directed at all like the currents and waves of the ocean. These represent unconscious or automatic reactions to some stimuli either internal (a feeling or thought or sensation and often all three) or to an external event (e.g. an accident or reward for good behavior) interpreted by us using our histories of similar events and interpretations of them. For example, harsh words from a friend in the present signals a mental process of evaluation and feelings are produced to prompt action based on previous similar experiences. Its efficient so we don't have to think too much in its automaticity but we may over-react based on a flawed assessment too. Acting too quickly based on impulses that arise automatically can save us if a truck is barreling down on us but it may damage a relationship for ever.

This is instability; being tossed about by the waves, impulses based on unconscious/automatic thoughts, feelings, sensations without using our oars to steer or simply riding it out. In this case we are ruled by impulses and we act on them without much consideration for the consequences for self and others.

A mind that is stable and produces stability acts differently.

First, the stable mind accepts that the inner world is full of dynamics outside of awareness and that neither it nor the forces going on in the world including other people and their inner worlds and outer behaviors can be (entirely) controlled.

Second, it realizes that difficulties inside and out come and go and does not get apoplectic when they arise. After all, what has just happened cannot have been any different.

Third, the stable mind observes and decides the best course of action. Do I do something now, later, at all? Or do I simply ride this out. What goes up does come down...eventually.

Fourth, the stable mind does not identify with any impulse or set of impulses as if they constituted “who I am”. The human person is capable of millions of different impulses and actions. It would be foolish to limit myself to any set of them. Even if someone pulls a gun on me and says your money or your life I still have a choice.

Or we can be like a bull with a ring in its nose and act on every impulse that arises. And then we would all likely be in prison and some of us are in “prisons”, if not literally, figuratively, of feelings, beliefs, behaviors. Depression, anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, addictions. What are these if not internal prisons?

Mindfulness develops stability of mind.

First, by developing awareness of what actually “is” rather than living in a world of narrative fantasies (things either should or shouldn't be as they are this moment.)

Second, by developing acceptance for things as they are right now. If you think about it the reason we become distressed most often is because we insist that things NOT be as they ARE.

Third, by developing the freedom to observe something happening without having to do anything about it. By developing the ability to have thoughts, feelings, and behaviors but not react to them we free the “self' from the prison of automaticity. And then to act constructively if we so choose. .

George Bernard Shaw once said ‘To be in hell is to drift; to be in heaven is to steer.”